Etc.

Have you ever had your emails subpoenaed?

2008-02-24T17:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting as much as I would've liked to this past week, which isn't to say I haven't been drawing/painting. I've been busy worrying about job-related situations that I have no control over really, but still decide to worry about. One situation involves a student of mine whose parents are terrible creatures who just need to rot in hell. Social services was called to beat down her parents (i wish)...since then, this student has not been in school. It's been 1 week, and I am nervous, anxious, because what the fuck happened to her???. Another situation involves another dreadful parent who can't accept that her daughter is not eligible for special services. This parent wants her child to be disabled as insurance in case high school is too hard. Fuck that. So, here I am, having to be interviewed by lawyers, have my emails scanned, and be pulled out of teaching. To be honest, it has been a depressing 2 weeks because my idealism has been rattled. But, as my father put it, that is the real world.

Okay, so, I finally transported the 5' x 42" canvas to my house. Here is a before picture, as in, before it will be slapped with gesso:

Tomorrow, I will gesso the canvas, let it dry for 24 hours, and then...upload more art...

Days Three and Four: Dos and Don'ts

2008-02-13T18:05:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I write as a creative outlet instead of barbarically smear and slop paint onto a canvas. For the past couple of days, I've been writing a 3-week lesson plan for my 7th graders that seeks to teach them about the ways in which X Middle School and other middle schools across the country celebrate diversity and, more specifically, Black History month. The main question is, Are we doing enough? So far, I have sketched out the (1)"Diversity Research Project" description page, (2) Expository Writing Rubric, and (3) the first three days of lesson plans that focus on defining the concepts of diversity and discrimination. I can't copy the Expository Writing Rubric here due to formatting, but below are the description page and three days of lesson plans. Any feedback or suggestions for future activities are welcome!

Diversity Research Project

Objective: As a group, students will write an expository research paper on the ways in which XMS and other middle schools across the nation celebrate diversity.

Questions We Will Consider as a Class:
1. What is diversity? defining
2. In what ways does XMS celebrate diversity and, specifically, Black History month? data collecting and summarizing
3. How do other middle schools across the country celebrate diversity and Black History month? researching and summarizing
4. In comparison to other middle schools’ celebrations of Black History month and diversity, does XMS do more/less/about the same than them? Provide support from the data you collected and information you found while researching. analyzing
5. Should XMS do more to celebrate diversity and Black History month? Why or why not? If you answered yes, please provide two ideas that celebrate diversity that you would like to see implemented at XMS next year. Base your answers on the data you collected and information you found while researching. evaluating

Grading: Each student will receive an individual and group grade for this project.
• Spiral notebook
• Use of pre-writing strategies to organize and develop paper.
o Structure of paper through thinking maps
o Vocabulary concept development
o Content development through free writes
o Details, details, details
• Final paper grade based on the attached Expository Writing Rubric

Day One: Introduce Diversity

Activate Prior Knowledge (15 minutes)
• Create two circle maps for the topics, “diversity” and “Black History month.” Include what you already know and experience you have with the topics
• Class discussion: Share circle maps
• Glue circle maps onto pg. 1 (front) of spiral under the heading: “What I Already Know”

Gaining Equal Footing (25 minutes)
• Students look up the definition of “diversity” in a dictionary, thesaurus, Life Science text book, Civics text book, and Google.com
o Each student completes one of the attached definition worksheets based on which reference source he/she chooses
• Class discussion: Present definitions while Ms. Cousar takes notes on the board
o Glue diversity reference cards onto pg. 2 (front and back) and pg. 3 (front) under the heading “What Does Diversity Mean?”
• Group assessments:
o Create a vocabulary card for “diversity” (using Language Arts template)
o Fill in a double bubble map comparing and contrasting the similarities and differences between all of the definitions
o Students glue vocabulary card onto pg.3 (back)

Diversity Presentation (30 minutes)
• Provide background information for the PBS documentary, A Class Divided
o Older film footage from April 1968 featuring Mrs. Jane Elliot and her all-white 3rd grade class in Iowa; MLK, Jr. assassinated April 1968
o This documentary was made in 1985 featuring the same Mrs. Elliot and her students all grown up
• Show the first 26 minutes of A Class Divided

Pre-writing Activity: Free write (10 minutes)
• Today, we’ve discussed the concept of diversity. Based on the activities we completed in class (vocabulary card, circle and double bubble maps, and watching a film), what is diversity?
• Share your thoughts and/or feelings concerning the film we just watched. In Mrs. Elliot’s 3rd grade classroom, what does “diversity” mean?
• Glue onto p. 4 (front) under the heading “Diversity Free Write”

Day Two: Introduce Discrimination

Activate Prior Knowledge (15 minutes)
• Create a circle map for the topic, “discrimination.” Include what you already know and experience you have with the topic
• Class discussion: Share circle map
• Glue circle map onto pg. 5 of spiral (front) under the heading “What I Already Know”

Gaining Equal Footing (25 minutes)
• Students look up the definition of “discrimination” in a dictionary, thesaurus, Life Science text book, Civics text book, and Google.com
o Each student completes one of the attached definition worksheets based on which reference source he/she chooses (Each student should choose a different reference source from yesterday.)
• Class discussion: Present definitions while Ms. Cousar takes notes on the board
o Glue discrimination reference cards onto pg. 6 (front and back) and pg. 7 (front) under the heading “What Does Discrimination Mean?”
• Individual assessment:
o Create a brace map of the different groups who have historically been discriminated against
o Students make copies of each and glue onto pg. 7 (back)

Diversity Presentation (20 minutes)
• Show the rest of A Class Divided

Pre-writing Activity: Free write (10 minutes)
• Today, we’ve discussed the concept of discrimination. Based on the activities we completed in class (vocabulary card, brace map, and watching a film), what is discrimination?
• Share your thoughts and/or feelings concerning the film we just watched. Did you see “discrimination” in Mrs. Elliot’s 3rd grade classroom? How so?
• Glue onto p. 8 (front) under the heading “Discrimination Free Write”

Day Three: Diversity and Discrimination in Action

Review (7 minutes)
• View a summarized version of A Class Divided

Gaining Equal Footing (15 minutes)
• Class discussion: Discuss how A Class Divided added to students’ understanding of diversity and discrimination.
• Is diversity a natural phenomenon?
o Think of real life examples (nature, human physical and emotional characteristics, language, types of ice cream, personal experience [family life, geographic location], education, values, religion)
• Is discrimination a natural phenomenon?
o Think of real life examples (natural selection, intelligences, choices, Rosa Parks, religious (Muslims in America), physical appearance (better dressed interviewees get the job more often than not)
o EOE:
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER: The XC School Board is an Equal Opportunity Employer. The XC School Board does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, age, national origin, marital status, military service, disability, or sex in admission or access to, or treatment, or employment in its programs or activities. Reasonable accommodations will be provided to persons with disabilities if requested. The Assistant Superintendent for Instruction is designated as the responsible person regarding assurances of nondiscrimination under Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act and Title IX of the EEOC Act, Education Amendments of 1972. Requests for hearings over any complaint alleging discrimination based on a disability under Section 504, the Americans with Disabilities Act, and IDEA, shall be made in writing and directed to the Director of Student Services.

Discrimination Activity: 1965 Alabama Literacy Test (25 minutes)
• Objective: Students experience the injustice of voter discrimination
• Instructions: Say, The U.S. Constitution is so important to citizenship that you should know it perfectly without needing previous study time. No textbooks may be consulted. This will count as a test grade in Civics.
• Pass out the 1965 Alabama Literacy Test. Students should spend no more than 15 minutes taking the test.
• Students trade papers and score the tests as Ms. Cousar reads aloud the correct responses.
• Say, You have just taken the 1965 Alabama Literacy Test to determine whether you were qualified to vote. If you missed more than 7 answers, the registrars would have refused you.
• Students share their thoughts on whether they thought the test was easy/difficult and fair.
• Students glue in 1965 Alabama Literacy Test onto pg. 8 (back) under the heading “Voter Discrimination”

Present Diversity Research Project
• Hand out Diversity Research Project description and Expository Writing Rubric

Day Two: Tusks and Squirrels

2008-02-11T19:05:00.000-08:00

I was anything but successful with retrieving the rather large canvas from my parents' house. So, no news there...just gesso sitting in a can waiting to be spread. Sexy.

Instead, I want to share a watercolor that I did a couple of months ago. It's only a sketch, but I really dig it. I present:

Commando Squirrel: the streets are a war zone

Next, I started a sketch, very rough, for a CD cover. More details later.
Untitled

Finally, my models for the evening.
the Get Outta Ma Face Model with Creepy Hand

Tata.

Day One: Gesso and Roses

2008-02-10T15:02:00.000-08:00

I've decided to hold myself accountable, for I have developed a recent tendency to be lazy. So, each day (or, let's be honest, each week) I will upload any progress or lack thereof made toward my art. I have various projects going on: dodo napkins, the Nice Jenkins CD cover, and a huge 42" x 5' canvas that I've had for over a year and a half but am just now doing something with it. Here are some pictures from today's work:

That's right...All I did today was buy gesso. If you don't know what gesso (pronounced jess-oh) is, it's a white substance used to cover a naked canvas or a canvas that has been painted upon with a horrible example of one's creativity and/or skill. I have a situation of the latter variety. So, step 1 is complete. Step 2--getting a 42" x 5' canvas to my house is another ordeal yet to be resolved.

On another note, I made Valentines cards a la Sandra Lee of the Food Network. I bought pre-cut cards and a rose stamp, but added my own touches of color. See below:

Antique Rose

Green Rose

Bunny Trapped in a Rose
My stamping wasn't all that great, leaving a part of the rose white with some detailed outlining that looked like bunny ears. Thus, a bunny in a rose.

On a sidenote, albeit a major one, I do not know how to operate my digital camera all that well. Hopefully better images to come in the future.

Ryan

2007-10-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

I don't write too much about my overwhelming love and adoration for Ryan. We leave that for the bedroom. But, since Ryan and I have entered into a long-distance relationship, where the only time we can talk occurs after he gets off a 17-hour shift at, um, 1-2am his time, which is 4-5am my time, I feel a need to express my feelings to this small world of 5 readers. I'll leave the content of our rather suggestive conversations to your imaginations, but, Ryan is simply awesome. For working 17 hour shifts. Not complaining. Doing his best. Being Ryan. And, at the end of his long day, still talking to me and listening to me talk his ear off and blah blah blah. So, give Ryan some props for surviving his internship and me.

Second Best

2007-10-17T15:56:00.000-07:00

I've been teaching, for 10 weeks now. It is heaven and hell, switching between the two at least 40 times over an 8 hour period. I can't explain it much better than that. I've cried in front of a math class because one student said something outrageously funny, which made me have to sit down and compose myself. I've had a bookbag and chair thrown at me with the grand finale of a SLAP. Heaven and hell. Regardless of work being so fickle, I never understand how Friday comes so quickly, or how the day can't just contain one more hour to teach everything that I intended to teach. For me, time is in the fast lane. Lately, this has caused me to fantasize on my way to and fro school (my roundtrip commute is 1hr 20min).

I remember, not so long ago, but too long at this point, I had a plan to see the world, to experience its people, to have simple routines, to write, to have time to appropriate the best words to explain the unexplainable. I've always been interested in Latin America and SE Asia, and, as I drive the same path everyday, come home to the same abode, know where I'm going to sleep, eat, that I'll have access to virtually anything I want, I find myself wanting simple chaos.

Simple chaos? you may wonder... It's a method of travel where you place yourself in uncomfortable, adventurous situations (which inevitably bring chaos) where the only things you have to do are, find shelter and food (ah, the simplicity). When these are the only two things required of your time and energy, you are freed up to notice people, to cultivate distance friends. I won't go on much more about this, except for the fact that, I've come to realize that I'm doing second best. I love teaching, in a strange kinda way, but, what I love most is momentum, juxtapositions that only different cultures bring, and understanding what else is out there. Thinking about the fact that I'm thinking about, "Hey, why not save up for the next 9 months, quit my job, and travel for a year," makes me so dreamy and feel so out of place where I am right now.

Anyone up for an adventure?

CONCLUSION: Yet to be revealed...

Bringing Up Backhoes

2007-08-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

I have taken a teaching position in a rural (like, there's only one IGA in a 15 mile radius) middle school. While the job wasn't exactly what I wanted, it was an unanswered prayer (yeah, Garth Brooks). I am a resource teacher in Language Arts, Math, Civics, Life Science, and Study Skills. I am swimming, quite beautifully, in the massive amount of content that I once knew but have since forgotten. Take the example of the eight steps of the scientific method. I can name them in 5 sec. You can't.

Beyond loving the fact that I will become a fucking wiz at Trivial Pursuit, I was hesitant about the type of students I would teach. I didn't want rural. I didn't want bosses and superintendents with severe accents. I didn't want kids who know what a backhoe is by age 4. Before beginning my job three weeks ago, I saw a news report about the mold situation at the elementary school that feeds into the middle school where I work. The one person the news casters decide is the best candidate to present a parent's perspective on the situation is a crazy-haired, toothless woman who stares blankly at the reporter and replies, "I didn't know there was a mold problem. I haven't seen it." Ug, I thought. I have to deal with parents like this! Parents who don't know about mold overtaking their child's school!

Since then, I've come to realize how incorrectly I (and A. County, in which I reside) have perceived F. County, in which I work. A lot of this comes from the media, from there being no reason for me to take a spin in F. County, from whatever other bad sources of information I've been lead to believe are good. The F. County residents and teachers and sheriff and store clerks are 100% awesome! In fact, I've never found a school administration so supportive of its staff and students and community. I even venture to suggest that I only want to ever work in rural schools because the community element is so pervasive and strong. On my first day, I met the sheriff, who is the brother of the assistant superintendent, who is married to the former assistant principal of the middle school, who now owns and runs the only teacher store in F. County. It's quite a web, but, I like this. It keeps you on your toes. It's similar to the close, Southern community in which I grew up. It's familiar, and something I haven't been a part of since I left TN.

My point: Yes, like, 60% of the students drew a rebel flag on their assignment notebook the first day of class, and I can't tell them that the south will never rise again, and, yes, there is a scarcity of paper in the copier room where the old copier jams 40% of the time so that it doesn't matter whether there's paper or not, but, I sense a kindness, an openness, and a welcome in them all.

Finally, An LC Fan Club

2007-07-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

For the past two weeks, I've been teaching rising 4th and 5th grade students at summer school. I hesitantly accepted the job because, 1) It's summer, and I should relax, 2) It's a 25 minute drive, and I have to be there by 7am, and 3) I'd be teaching little kids, and they freak me out. All of these qualms, however, were eclipsed by an accumulation of three incidents.

Incident One.
On the second day of school, as the kiddies are finishing up their lunch and packing up their belongings to board the bus, someone's mother walks in. She introduces herself and asks how her son, Jacob, faired today. I start responding to her question, when--lo and behold--Jacob bounces up to her and excitedly pleads, "Mom, Mom! Can I please come back tomorrow?!?"*
<Oh my god, I am totally going to win Teacher of the Year this year!>

Incident Two.
On the third day of summer school, as I am sitting at my ominous teacher's desk planning some inspiring and absolutely motivational lesson plans, some of the chillens come in, hang up their bookbags, greet me with a good morning, sit in their seats, etc. Then, Kayla walks in with a smile she's trying to hide and something behind her back. She comes right up next to me and quietly sets this huge wicker basket down. I look up at her and smile, and she smiles and then sits at her desk. I lift the basket onto my lap and start rummaging through the small gifts that are inside: lotions (some half-used), wild berries, a colored, wooden elephant, one of those gummy monsters that fit onto your fingertips, a school picture of Kayla, a note spelling my last name completely wrong, and--what looks like huge leopard print slippers bound together with gynormous soles. As I pick up this particular item and examine it (because I'm not really sure what it is), Kayla shoots outta her chair and comes over to me and says, "Ms. C., that's the best foot massager in the whole world."**
<The true beginnings of a fan club! I wonder how much other shit the kids will bring me!>

Incident Three.
On the sixth day of summer school, a new student, Ester, joins our class. She walks in shyly, and I introduce myself and show her where she can put her things and sit. She is shy most of the first hour and a half of class, but starts to warm up to me during snacks and recess. She tells me she is from Africa and that one of her brothers is still there. I ask her more about this, and we chat throughout recess. At the end of the day, she is more open and smiling and goofing off with the other students. Her mom comes in during lunch to pick her up and asks me how Ester did today. Ester comes up to greet her mother and says, "I had fun today." Ester's mother acknowledges the comment and tells Ester to finish her lunch. Then, Ester's mom confides in me that Ester skipped the first week of summer school because she was afraid to go. But, now, it looks like Ester is happy as a clam, here, in my classroom. Ester's mom asks me where I'm teaching next year and wants to write a recommendation for me.***
<LC--Kid-Tested and Approved "Provider of Safety and Funness">

All of these complimentary actions have caused my ego to sling slogans through my head constantly. The best one I've come up with so far is:
LC: Makes you want to repeat the 4th and 5th grades until you are old enough to marry her.

*Jacob attended week one of summer school but failed to show up for week two.
**Kayla's tone of voice with me has risen to new levels of frustration, to the point where she rolled her eyes at me and I had to take away 5 minutes of her recess, to which she responded by not giving me a goddamn lollipop during lunch. Bitch.
***After making Ester read a boring book during Silent Reading time, she fell asleep, woke up, and proclaimed she was bored.

ENO (f. you) TECA

2007-06-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

There's a new wine bar in town. Actually, it's the only wine bar in town. I ventured there last Friday evening with two friends. This is my review.

Name: Enoteca
Do not be fooled by the rhythms of the dance party that bounce around inside your mouth when you say this exotic word, which you've probably never heard of before. It's Italian for wine bar. Like you, I was disappointed after learning its etymology today. Expecting a more robust meaning, like, "a communal feeling of elation inspired by drinking wine with three or more people," I felt similarly to the way I did after realizing that everyone was named Jesus back in the day.

Level of Authenticity: I have no way of knowing how Italian this wine bar really is. I'm sure you won't either. But, they do an excellent job of convincing you that they are a long-lost piece of Italy that broke off the mainland millenia ago and resurfaced here just three weeks ago. For example, everything is served with grissini, which, come to find out, are breadsticks. They taste just like the ones packaged by Pepperidge Farm.

Level of Smug: Hyper. By the end of your time at Enoteca, you will walk out reeking of smug (but not smog because it's smoke-free...it has an outside patio for those with the habit). And, if you go with anyone who purports to know anything about wine or cheese, you'll be drenched in smug...talking about whether or not this or that cheese should be considered semi-soft or semi-hard. However, Enoteca tries to balance the smug it brings to the table with the smug you bring to the table by staffing itself with ditzy servers. These servers really don't know much about the menu yet, or wine, so you feel like you've just mounted a high horse because you can point out the white wines versus the reds before the server.

Rate At Which Your Wallet Will Implode, Causing You To Spend Two Weeks Rebuilding Your Financial Empire: Enoteca takes the prize; it far surpasses any other tapas-style restaurant in town with the little amount of time it takes you to realize that you will still be starving and sober after shelling out $75.

LC's Personal Recommendation: Go to Enoteca with $20. Get a glass of whatever. Get a small appetizer (specifically the sea-salted, thyme infused, shelled almonds...those actually were the shit). Take note of the bottle price of whatever wine you decide to drink. Figure out if you like it or not (this really doesn't matter, but it gives you something to talk about or to harass the servers' lack of knowledge about). Go to Market Street the next day. Find that wine you drank at Enoteca yesterday. Realize that: 1) You can find that wine (and most of the wines listed on the Enoteca menu) at Market Street, 2) That what you paid for a glass of that wine at Enoteca is greater than or equal to the amount (tax included) of the entire bottle of that same wine sold at Market Street, and 3) Corin Capshaw wins again!

Fin...

2007-04-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

This is it. I must remember--tatoo this on my forehead, create some sort of visible scar--that life is full of changes and never set in stone. I'll forget this, but for now, it's the cloud above my head. I used to think that things had to die in order to live again or be reborn...that's too morose for me right now, so I look at this as a change on some continuum where I don't have to get lost in order to rediscover. This is me, not believing what I say.

Things to do...

2007-04-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

~Understand the innards and outards of building a natural water purification system so that when global warming reaches a new height of terror--drying up 40% of the world's water supply in the form of mountain glaciers and causing the people below to 1) go apeshit because there isn't enough drinking water, there isn't enough water for the crops, there aren't enough resources, 2) hostily immigrate to the United States because they know people water their lawns five hours/day at the height of summer, and 3) help us consume copious amounts of H2O--I will be prepared.

"You May Be Living in a Meth Lab!"

2007-02-08T16:57:00.000-08:00

...is what a friend blurted out to me today with the intention to make me more paranoid about the extent of my roomates' extracurricular activities and to make me laugh, because, after all, laughter is what friends are for. I used to think that one of my roomates was a good friend, but lately she has not been making me laugh, but making me want to scrap the gelatinated peelings of carrots and broccoli specks found on my kitchen floor that were neglected by her attempts to clean up after herself and place said vegetable bits in and on her toothbrush. I barely sleep at my house anymore because my living situation provokes me to expend a ridiculous amount of mental energy on devising plots that are individualized for grossing her out!

That being said, I may be moving out in the next month. I look forward to this as my chance to finally live by my lonesome, which is a subject that merits a five-page paper.

CONCLUSION: Need to find a cozy, in-town love nest for one...

Missing the Point, Part I

2007-01-21T05:38:00.000-08:00

This past Friday, I was tired. It was my first week of school. I had interviewed for two jobs. I had gone to the gym twice to walk for 20 minutes. These are the excuses that I offer up for my complete lack of "getting it" Friday night. In other words, I kept missing the point. Let's take a look...

I saw Pan's Labyrinth with a Friend on this particular night. So, as Friend and I are coming out of the movie, I tell her about my disappointment in the film, that maybe there was too much hype, that I just didn't get what was so great about harrowing images of war, a little girl losing an important adult in her life, and, alongside all of this, a fairytale. Friend, on the other hand, loved it; and, I respect Friend's intelligence, thus her opinion. So, I reveal, "I feel like I'm missing something, some analogy, some grand metaphor." Friend puts in her two cents (sense?) and gently says, "Well, I think it's about the loss of childhood." Just as she says that, I have a DUH moment: Of course it's about the loss of childhood! Stupid stupid stupid%$?#!. I'm pretty hard on myself intellectually, but I repeat the series of excuses listed above and forget about it.

As we continue our walk down the Mall, a drunk guy appears out of nowhere and makes a drunken comment. Before I relay such comment, it is imperative you know that Friend was wearing a hat, I was holding my hat, and I probably had a little fuzzy hat head. So, drunk dude pops out and slurs, "That's too many hats for too many ladies." I turn to Friend, look at her somewhat quizzically, and say, "Wait, there aren't too many hats for too many ladies. Maybe he thought my hair was also a hat because it's so big." Friend, at this point, is getting a little what the fuck is wrong with you? with me and says, "LC, he said that because he's drunk and he probably saw two of us, and things are just blurry." I get a little embarrassed and softly mutter, "oh." I repeat the string of excuses listed above, but my boots are heavier with feelings of stupidity now. I trudge on.

We're still walking on the Mall. It's been like 5 minutes since we've gotten out of the movie. We spot a pair of college girls who aren't wearing coats, just slinky tank tops. We can hear little bits of their conversation, a lot of loud laughter. They're holding hands, skipping here and there. I turn to Friend and, exasperated, say, "I can't believe those girls! Where are their coats? Aren't they freezing?!? I'd rather be comfortable than freezing..." Friend interrupts me mid-tirade and gives me an LC--really?!? type of look and declares, "They are drunk, LCccccc. That's the point!"

The rest of the night, I shut up. Friend was right; I was missing the point, and, it was embarrassing. I just wasn't getting the simplest of things. We met up with other friends at a bar, and I was too nervous to really initiate much conversation for slight fear that someone else would notice my ability to miss the point. To say the least and the most, it was a humbling eve.

CONCLUSION: To be continued...

Vagina Dentata

2007-01-19T06:32:00.000-08:00

Finally, the ancient myth of the vagina dentata will be pop culturized in the horror film, Teeth (recently accepted into the Sundance Film Festival). This addition will balance out the bubble gum of Britney Spears, etc., and turn pop culture into a more respectable part of our society. I have great hopes for what this movie could do for the world.

CONCLUSION: Some women really are man eaters.

The Double Blog

2007-01-18T06:32:00.000-08:00

Fact: I created a new blog for a technology course I'm taking this semester.
Fact: To create a new blog, I had to sign up for a Google account.
Fact: I now have three e-mail addresses.
Not Opinion: Having three e-mail addresses is ridiculous.
Fact: I now have two blogs.
Question: Does this mean I'm leading a double life in the digital realm?
Fact: It wasn't too long ago that I semi-hated on the blogging lifestyle. Now, alas, I cannot hate.
Fact: I must admit that I am powerless over the Blog.
Fact: I am LC. I dominate two blogs...wait, no, no, no. I am LC. Two blogs dominate me. One of which is read by fellow classmates and a professor. The other (this one), only by one or two readers.
Question: Will I ever make it in the blog world?

CONCLUSION: Must start posting pictures that disparage my classiness.

The Gym

2007-01-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

Since picking up a workout routine, I've also picked up on the curious social phenomenon that is The Gym, particularly the university Gym I frequent. Usually, I spend about 2 hours when I go. (Now, don't let me fool you: After dressing out for 5 minutes, taking my sweet-ass time walking up the three flights of stairs to the unofficial women's section, spending 10 minutes stretching, getting a drink of water, then realizing that I have to go to the bathroom only to spend another 3 minutes re-organizing my hair into a bun that sits at the highest possible point on the crown of my head--after all this, I really only walk on the treadmill at 1.5 mph for 20 minutes and--BOOM!--2 hours have come and gone.) During these 2 hours in which I look at people more than concentrate on de-flabbing my arms, I have picked up on various dynamic relationships between gym-goers.

There are the older folks who had the sense to hire a personal trainer to show them how to work the weight machines, thus being able to lift way more weight than I ever could. Actually, a 65-year old man saw that I was fumbling with (correction: breaking) a leg machine and stopped on over to help me adjust a lever or two and--BOOM!--there I was lifting more weight than I thought I could! Most of these older folks have forsaken self-consciousness and instead appear to be the most dedicated and helpful of the gym-goers.

There are the thirty-something women who are still trying to compete with the bodies of 20-year old college girls who can drink liter upon liter of beer and not show one sign of cellulite--but they will soon. (Just being truthful and speaking from experience.) For the thirty-something, everything is something to be competed against. To them, you are the grass, and they are the lawnmower. Too bad the grass grows faster than they could ever mow. (I'm not mean; it was just too good to leave out.) (Note: Although not a thirty-something, I identify with them the most.)

Then, there's the boyfriend-girlfriend workout TEAM. This time in the gym is obviously their foreplay. Girlfriend follows Boyfriend everywhere, and he just soaks up the attention and impresses her with UH after UH after UH while lifting a 50 lb. barbell. Sometimes, Boyfriend needs to find an extra circular 10 lb. weight thingy, and--loving and dedicated as she is--Girlfriend follows him two paces behind. He finds one, picks it up. She stops and waits for him. They smile at eachother. He walks in front of her again, back to another bench, and she follows behind, ponytail and ribbon bouncing with pride for him. Girlfriend never lifts a thing, just smiles at Boyfriend, follows him, encourages him. While this pair of gym-goers provokes a gag reflex, they're kinda cute, too.

Finally, there's my nemesis. I don't know her name, but I know her clothing size. Size 0 and I tend to workout at the same time and in the same areas (no fault or planning on my part, I assure you). What happens is, I'll be on an elliptical machine (not breaking a sweat because I don't care enough to get my heart rate up), and Size 0 will get on the elliptical straight across from me. She starts big. Her legs begin to cycle like those of a person who is riding a bike on an incline and doesn't understand how gears work. Then, as if she has an on-off button, she instantaneously starts dripping buckets of sweat all over herself. And, for the grand finale--Size 0 looks up at me, straight into my eyes, just to rub in the fact that she is visibly working harder than me. My gaze is always there to meet hers, and, as my revenge, I pull out a Snickers and start chomping down on it, rubbing in the fact that I can move my legs in an elliptical shape and eat a yummy candy bar at the same time. Mmmmm. I'm so gross.

Capisci? (sp)

2007-01-09T13:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I forget how wonderful and advantageous it is to know how to write. I can write knowing that I will be understood, that certain thoughts can be made common knowledge. This is just something to pause upon, because, in this digital world of prolific bloggers, it can be easy to forget.

Chess

2007-01-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

Today, after numerous and only defeats, I finally won a game of chess...against my Mom...who hasn't played since 4th grade (so she claims). I've only ever played against Ryan, and he has only ever beat me, oftentimes having to comfort me because I'm a such a sore loser. But, today, I have regained confidence and believe that maybe I am intelligent enought to learn this game.

CONCLUSION: Ryan, prepare for war.

Who Are They?

2006-12-26T15:48:00.000-08:00

This is the first post after a much-needed rest from my short-lived blogging career. And I want to end with a question. Currently, I'm reading "Birds Without Wings," a novel that highlights the effects of World War I and Empire-Hungry-European Nations on a small, peaceful, quiet, quite idyllic village somewhere in the Ottoman Empire. Its perspective is one that I haven't found in history books or novels, because this is a look at Britain and France and everything Western from a community who are Greek Christains, Greek Muslims, Turkish Christains and Muslims living together and don't know that these Super Powers exist until 1900. These are a people and a culture whose perspectives have been marginalized in Wester history. There have been millions of these people, and some of their stories are being brought to life in literature and inclusive history. Because of this, we have a fuller understanding and more interesting view of what has happened. But, let's return to today and how we create history. Living in a globalized society with AIM, hotmail, podcasts, YouTube, etc., and a stark-raving mad media leaves little room for people to be intentionally left out. I used to read a blog written by an Iranian woman who focused on women's issues and modernity and etc. There are so many megaphones from which to be scream! All people need is the technology. So, does our world allow for marginalized groups? If so, who are they?

Bunk Beds

2006-10-10T20:50:00.000-07:00

1. One book that’s changed your life

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Patterson. It was a required reading between 6th and 7th grade, and it was the first time I ever thought about what it means to die. Very strange feeling, to really ponder immortality at a young age.

2. One book that you have read more than once

Charles Simic's Jackstraws. I hated poetry until I found Simic. "On a Lack of Respect Paid to the Ceiling."

3. One book you would want on a desert island

Does a family photo book count? Am I being too liberal with the word, book? If there gots to be words, I'd chose a compilation of Shakespeare. Cliche? He invented cliche. (It's cliche to point that out.)

4. One book that made you cry

The most recent one was Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. Lovable 11 year old lost his father on 9/11, and he's still not over it, don't get me started...read it! It's a great memorial to 9/11.

5. One book that made you laugh

Honestly, I like my reading as I like my classical music: sad, depressing, and drunk on complexity.

6. One book you wish had been written

Primordial Stink: From Feces We Came, To Feces We Go. I just think that we all think we're such hotshots because we've built tall buildings and sailed around the world and found algebra. Clothing is a scam.
Also, Ryan and I went on a hunt for a romance novel that would satisfy both male and female. None such exists. Either too much fluffy story line in the books that target women, and too much Penthouse Letters for the man.

7. One book you wish had never been written

I wish this question had never been written.

8. One book you are currently reading.

A biology textbook. I am a collaborative teacher in a high school Biology class, so I'm taking notes with the students. Currently, we are learning about totipotent stem cells (they are bank).

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read

The House of Leaves by ???. Ryan gave it to me awhile ago because it apparently has given people a series of nightmares, and he wants me to share this delightful experience with him.

Did you know that...

2006-09-27T19:01:00.000-07:00

A few friends and I were driving through the O.C. this weekend, listening and singing to some crappy songs from the late 90s (e.g., "You Steal My Sunshine"), rolling the windows up and down to create that weird vibrating sensation/sound that I personally find annoying (alas, the others did not), enjoying the change of seasons, and anticipating a picnic in a vineyard. The Very Pretty Route we were traveling on is quite curvy and hilly, and you can speed up as you go over the hills and get that roller coaster ride feeling...

We did that. Several times. I was drunk. After one really big hill, Brunklebrains turns to me and says, "When I was little, my mom said that I used to call those penis ticklers." I didn't think I heard him correctly (prolly cuz the windows were making that f'in sound), so I said, "huh?" He repeated, and I gave him a confused look. I asked, why penis tickler? He told me, that's where you feel it. I said, NO NO NO you don't. I feel it in my stomach. Eureka! Brunklebrains and I discovered yet another difference between the sexes.

I'm pissed. Yet another WIN for the mens. God, when will it stop?

CONCLUSION:
Yet to be determined.

"His Grandmother Died, So I Felt Bad..."

2006-09-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had dinner with a best friend from high school who just moved here to attend grad school. We have one of those great relationships where you pick up right where you left off... But, we talk about things differently now because we have all these new--some eye opening, some eye gouging--experiences. Take sex as an example: we are both more experienced now, meaning that, because we both had nothing close to a sex life in high school, we didn't talk much about sex. Well, that's not true. We talked about sex, but only what we could gather from Cosmo. Now, we can talk about sex in a more grounded way. So, we were talking about relationships and guys v. girls and (surprise!) sex. Daisy (HS friend) rattles off a list of guys she's been interested in or hooking up with for the past month...and it's like 7 names. I say stuff like, Good for you, and, Way to keep up the juggle!, and, You are fitting in well with the dating mentality here, and, You little whore. Then--because I'm supporting and encouraging her casual sex life--she confides in me that she was hooking up with Dude No. 3 until one night, while silly drunk, he declared his love for her. Like a sensitive human being who cares about the emotions of others, she told him that she wasn't into him like that and broke it off... for one week ...until his grandmother died. And, like a sensitve human being who cares about the emotions of others, she took him back into her room and comforted him.

CONCLUSION:
Be senstive. Consider pity sex.

DISCLAIMER:
The next few posts will not be about sex. Promise.

Update to Safe Sex

2006-09-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

Girl Who Gave BJ To Boy On Bus also oral sexified another girl during the same bus ride, bringing her total number of oral sex acts in one day to THREE! Since this girl may have overdone it with the behaviors she exhibited, an administrator has to write her up. The write up includes such questions as:

1. Provide specific details of the behavior exhibited.
2. What triggered the behavior?
3. What happened right after the student exhibited the behavior?

Filling out THAT sheet would make any person's day...

Safe Sex

2006-09-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

To the Virginia Department of Education:

It's been verified. Teenagers are finally listening to that slogan you've been promoting for who knows how many years: "Abstinence is the only safe sex." Here are some of the statisitics I've dug up and am willing to share with you:

This past week (from September 11-15--so, not even a week), five couples were caught engaging in oral sex in various bathrooms around the high school where I work. Not intercourse--that evil act that produces those small, crying pieces of flesh, no, no, no--but oral sex--the messy-for-one-but-not-the-other, less intimate, easier-to-hide act. See, kids are finally responding! And, what adds to the flavor of all this flava is that there was nearly equal representation from both homo- and heterosexual couples. Here's the breakdown:

Couple #1
Girl on girl action in bathroom stall. Pants around ankles and skirt flying high.

Couple #2
Boy gets bj from girl on bus.

Part of Couple #2 Creating Couple #3
Same girl orally sexifies another girl in cafeteria bathroom.
*She must really understand the importance of abstinence.

Couple #4
Girl goes down on another girl on bus two days later.
*D-oh! Homos are winning. Come on, heteros...lame-os.

Couple #5
Boy (who is one of my students) gets bj from two girls in boys bathroom.

Ladies and gentlemen of the VA DOE, this is quite clearly the best evidence you will ever get your clean, abstained hands on that proves your slogan is producing the right results. However--although I don't want to dampen any part of your victory--I feel I must point out that there aren't nearly enough boys giving oral delights to girls. Please produce a video to rectify this situation.

CONCLUSION
Find an alternative to abstinence.
Put kleenex dispensers in bathrooms.

"Sauce"

2006-09-13T19:30:00.000-07:00

Since teaching in a high school for the past month, it has become blaringly apparent (sometimes like acid thrown in my face) that I am no longer hip. I've been able to pull off style quite successfully in the past, but lately I've become self-conscious about all this mumbo-jumbo. And this mumbo-jumbo didn't mean much to me until, all of a sudden, I started feeling old. Not really in the sense that I can't drink three beers without having a hangover the next morning (truth), or that I can't run 8 miles anymore (lie--I never could), but
...old in the sense that I will take the time to put on the breaks and roll down my window to shout at the kid who just rode his bike down a hill and into the street without looking. I mean, he probably looked. He probably anticipated that he would cross the street in front of me before I'd come within 20 feet of hitting him because he probably has better eyesight than me.
...old in the sense that I've started shopping at Ann Taylor Loft, where they have like 20 styles of the most basic colors of pants.
...old in the sense that waking up after 9am is unimaginable.
...old in the sense that I have hips (unlike most of the highschool girls I see everyday) but I am not hip.
...old in the sense that I don't know the lingo that blends you into any hip crowd.
(Even the word "old" is becoming old.)

A particular situation comes to mind...

I am teaching some kids how to make a budget and instructing them to title their project. One kid asks, "Can I just name mine "'sauce?'" I look at him...I look at him with a deep stare of deep confusion. I reply, "Glenwood, the title of your project should reflect its content. Unless...'sauce' means money?" Glenwood immediately lifts his head out of a deep boredom and actually smiles (because he's a guy, and guys in high school feel that smiling lessens their manhood or something), and they all start snickering. Student With ADHD For Real says, "Ms. C, I am dissappointed in you." Student Who Got Pinned Down In My Classroom by the Resource Officer asks, "Man, when'd you graduate high school? I fuckin' hate this school!" Glenwood tells me, "'Sauce' don't mean 'money.' It's like, you know, 'sauce,' like, 'that's sauce.'"

Although I didn't care that I didn't know (and even now can only infer that 'sauce' means 'cool'), I felt a tinge of disappointment that I wasn't hip to the cool of high school anymore. Not that it was ever that cool, but I bet most of us clung to a version of it, or tried to mimic it, or fantasized about redefining cool to include our likes and interests. I mean, someone fantasized about making "sauce" part of a highschooler's common language. Somehow he or she made that happen. So...

CONCLUSION
What's old: Sauce as a noun used to describe that liquid which you pour over pasta (etc.).
What's hip: Sauce as an adjective that may or may not mean "cool."