Etc.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
  ENO (f. you) TECA
There's a new wine bar in town. Actually, it's the only wine bar in town. I ventured there last Friday evening with two friends. This is my review.

Name: Enoteca
Do not be fooled by the rhythms of the dance party that bounce around inside your mouth when you say this exotic word, which you've probably never heard of before. It's Italian for wine bar. Like you, I was disappointed after learning its etymology today. Expecting a more robust meaning, like, "a communal feeling of elation inspired by drinking wine with three or more people," I felt similarly to the way I did after realizing that everyone was named Jesus back in the day.

Level of Authenticity: I have no way of knowing how Italian this wine bar really is. I'm sure you won't either. But, they do an excellent job of convincing you that they are a long-lost piece of Italy that broke off the mainland millenia ago and resurfaced here just three weeks ago. For example, everything is served with grissini, which, come to find out, are breadsticks. They taste just like the ones packaged by Pepperidge Farm.

Level of Smug: Hyper. By the end of your time at Enoteca, you will walk out reeking of smug (but not smog because it's smoke-free...it has an outside patio for those with the habit). And, if you go with anyone who purports to know anything about wine or cheese, you'll be drenched in smug...talking about whether or not this or that cheese should be considered semi-soft or semi-hard. However, Enoteca tries to balance the smug it brings to the table with the smug you bring to the table by staffing itself with ditzy servers. These servers really don't know much about the menu yet, or wine, so you feel like you've just mounted a high horse because you can point out the white wines versus the reds before the server.

Rate At Which Your Wallet Will Implode, Causing You To Spend Two Weeks Rebuilding Your Financial Empire: Enoteca takes the prize; it far surpasses any other tapas-style restaurant in town with the little amount of time it takes you to realize that you will still be starving and sober after shelling out $75.

LC's Personal Recommendation: Go to Enoteca with $20. Get a glass of whatever. Get a small appetizer (specifically the sea-salted, thyme infused, shelled almonds...those actually were the shit). Take note of the bottle price of whatever wine you decide to drink. Figure out if you like it or not (this really doesn't matter, but it gives you something to talk about or to harass the servers' lack of knowledge about). Go to Market Street the next day. Find that wine you drank at Enoteca yesterday. Realize that: 1) You can find that wine (and most of the wines listed on the Enoteca menu) at Market Street, 2) That what you paid for a glass of that wine at Enoteca is greater than or equal to the amount (tax included) of the entire bottle of that same wine sold at Market Street, and 3) Corin Capshaw wins again!
 

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